“We Are Only As Free As The Fears We Release”My mother’s family remained in Australia after she married my American father and left to come raise her children here in the U.S. All I ever knew of my Australian heritage growing up, was that I had far off relatives, that I may or may not ever come to know.
I cannot begin to explain to you how this feels, to know you are a part of something that you do not feel a part of.
I am realizing, that I have been longing to know this part of myself more than I was ever conscious of until now.
Over the last 7 years, my cousin Donna, has come to visit us here in Los Angeles several times. It’s always a very healing experience for us all, and by healing I do not necessarily mean easy. Her second visit, which was in May of 2009, felt like a disaster to us at first. All of a sudden we found ourselves confronted, looking into the big fat mirrors we were for one another, that painfully revealed to us, where we each stood in our own lives. It was not a pretty sight. We all were a mess, and we feared for ourselves and each other. Each of us were being run by our own addictions and emotional baggage, that had yet been resolved within us.
Family plays a major role in the way we see ourselves. Intimate relationships in our lives act like big mirrors, and those relationships reflect back to us, our inner demons and fears, inner beauty, inner wounds and traumas, and our inner strengths and hopes.
These are the people that we have the potential to become our best selves with, if we are willing to do the work, and if we are willing to decide that fear is NOT an option.
I have always wondered about Australia. I have always wanted to feel a connection to it, but there was so much inside of me that I had to work through, before I could release the past enough to make room for a new perspective.
After my cousin’s trip in 2009, we ALL began to “do the work.” We all began to heal.
We confronted our demons, addictions, emotional baggage, fears, wounds, and embraced our hopes, dreams, strengths, passions, and commitment to staying connected and becoming our best selves.
Donna returned to Los Angeles in March of 2011, and she left yesterday, April 21, 2011. I am dedicating this article to her, because she has helped me reconnect to my roots. Our relationship has shown me even more about who I am and what I am capable of. She has inspired me to recommit to the choice that fear is NOT an option. Our trip together, as a family, this time was incredible in ways that words will never be able to justify.
Thank you Donna…I love you.
So I am left here in Los Angeles, confronted with that big decision I told you about as I began this article. Is it time for me to depart the U.S. for a while and come to know Australia? Is it time for me to wake up from fear, completely, so that I may know life in a different way? Is it time to let go of what I fear I’ll leave behind, and instead focus on what I will always carry with me no matter where I am? Is it finally my time, to become a citizen of the world?
Many fears come up when faced with a decision like this. What if I leave and everything here that I’ve worked so hard to build is lost forever? What if my soul mate is here and I miss out on the opportunity to be with him? What if I miss out on having a family of my own? What if I won’t be as successful there as I could be here? What if I am making a mistake?
As these questions make themselves known, I consciously recognize that they are not me. Fear is not my truth, and it is but a program that was downloaded long ago.
I am waking up from fear. It is NOT an option, and I am stepping into the reality that we are all children of the Universe.
The world is our home, our family, and I am ready to take the next step in my life towards expanding upon that which I already know, to embrace the unknown. This awareness is transforming What If? into WHAT IF!!!
WHAT IF!!! there is man in Australia, that I connect with beyond my wildest dreams. WHAT IF!!! I feel more at home there than I do here in the U.S.? WHAT IF!!! this opens my valve in a way that helps me receive the level of freedom I long for to be a citizen of the world? WHAT IF!!! I find a piece of myself in my history there, that I may have never come to know if I stayed here? WHAT IF!!!
Are you confronting any big decisions, or even small decisions, that are bringing up questions, doubts, and fear in you? We all experience this, but the important part is that we recognize it, bring consciousness and light to it, and then align with the truth. What is your truth?
WHAT IF!!! fear is not an option? 🙂
My truth, is that I will never miss out on anything if I align with my Soul instead of fear. My truth is that I am FREE to make decisions because they feel good, and I don’t need to worry about the rest…because fear is NOT an option. My truth reminds me, that I am always being taken care of, that all my dreams can come true no matter where I am, and that all I have to do is follow my heart and remain authentic in my life. That’s my truth.
Please share your truth, your questions, comments, and experiences with me here. I love hearing from you and connecting with you as we travel this road together.
Thank you.
Love,
Erin
erin,
i’ve just come across your blog etc and read with interest the last post re australia. i am an aussie that has been in the us (both west and east coasts; now west – and i go to fitness factory in la 3 x week which is why i think i came across your name!) and the uk, on and off for over ten years so i know all about the being away from family thing. however, i must say that i truly think, just from the little i have gathered here, that your trip to australia – no matter how long you decide to stay – is going to be amazing and wonderful. i have no doubt you will be duly embraced and find the perfect niche for yourself both professionally and personally. it’s a wonderful country and sydney is a great city. you will just thrive!
wishing you safe travels and much luck in this leap of faith! ren
Hey Ren! Wow…that’s wild you coming across my blog, randomly, at this point in my journey. We must both see each other at Fitness Factory because I am there just about every day M-F. Who do you train with?
Anyway, thanks so much for reaching out, and for your beautiful words, offering me reassurance, and positive vibes:) Maybe we can meet at the gym before I go!
Be Well,
Erin
I am so excited for you Erin. What a wonderful opportunity to allow all the beautiful “what ifs” to generously manifest into your life and to indeed be a citizen of the world. It is so freeing and magical things happen when you roam the world,embrace your heritage and love unconditionally. Love is waiting for you – in all forms as you embark on this journey. In fact, the possibility of great romantic love was the first thing that came up for me when you mentioned this possibility. Take the adventure. What you’ve built will always be here for you whenever you decide to return. You are not losing anything, rather expanding beyond your imagination and claiming a part of you that’s reading, willing and able to reconnect with you – your heritage – and a happy, beautiful one at that. Promise I can come visit 🙂
Thank P. Yes, this just feels like the natural progression of everything I’ve worked so hard at for so long. I have healed myself in mnay ways, with the help of many, and have remained committed to a path that is authentic to me, and one that expresses the love that I carry. Now it’s time to expand upon that once again. I have built my coaching practice in the way I have, so that one day I could work from anywhere, and BE a citizen of the world. So I can BE with you, on our journey together whether I am there, here, or anywhere. Thanks for shining your light and for walking beside me. Big hug!
Read the article, thank you. My family is on the East Coast and haven’t been back in a long time. Likely because I was establishing myself on the West Coast getting pulled up by my boot straps when their was none. Thank you for the reminder of the importance of family.
Erin, one concern that I have. The idea of a special love being somewhere where we aren’t and going there to find that love. Be encouraged. Love finds you as you give.
Hey John. Thanks so much for sharing, and I am happy I could shine some light on the value of our loved ones:) Yes, I agree with you. Love finds us, no matter where we are. I just am aware of the default fears that come up for me when facing big change, and that is why it’s so important for me to keep remembering that I am a child of the Universe, and love does and WILL find me if I am on my path, following my heart, and living authentically. I really appreciate your gentle reminder as well. I hope you get to see your family soon! I am from the East Coast myself, Florida actually, and my father, step-mom, brother, sisters, grandma, and many friends, etc are all there, so I understand how difficult it can be at times, to be on the other side of the country. I am also on the other side of the world from my Aussie family. So…off I go…to be with them, and to be with a part of myself that I have never met:) Here’s to us, and to family!
Warmly,
Erin