This past weekend I attended the Yoga Journal Conference in Hollywood, FL. I was surprised to feel VERY differently when I arrived than I had been envisioning leading up to it.
Yep, I had EXPECTATIONS. I expected I’d feel a certain way, that the event would look a certain way, and that the teachers would teach and BE a certain way.
I was WRONG.
As a result, I was a very emotional me all day Friday and Saturday. I had feelings arising that I did not anticipate, and boy was it CONFRONTING. Looking back, I suppose I thought going away for a weekend of friends and yoga, out-of-town, would be exactly what I needed to take me far-far away from some of the deeper wounds I have been healing as of late. I assumed that this adventure out-of-town would give me a little escape, a break, some time to just have fun and let go and forget about the pain I have endured these last few months.
Instead, it was the OPPOSITE. Every insecurity, fear, and limiting belief began to surface the minute we pulled away from my driveway Friday morning. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. “Great, how am I going to pretend I am ok, when I am feeling this way inside,” I thought. I did my best on the drive to make peace with where I was and not say a thing to my friends, hoping I could get away with leaving everyone out of the struggles I had going on inside.
I bring this up today because this weekend showed me a few things. It reminded me that I do not want to run away from my pain, and that in fact, facing into it is what is needed to continue to heal completely. It also remind me about the POWER of vulnerability and letting our loved ones in on our struggles, and giving them the chance to be supportive and loving. Lastly, it showed me once again, that expectations are always destined for let downs, and being present with what IS, and not quitting before the miracle happens is where the magic happens.
As I walked around the market place, filled with booth after booth AFTER BOOTH of the latest fashion statements expressed as yoga pants, mala beads, shirts, essential oils, and jewellery I began to feel swallowed whole. Girls dressed in funky pants and fun shirts, carrying yoga mats were everywhere, the next one more beautiful than the one before. It reminded me of my days at gymnastics and cheerleading competitions. Yoga “Celebrities” roamed the halls and we all compared and shared what teachers we were signing up to work with and how Divine they were or were NOT, and suddenly I began to feel like running as far away from there as possible. I wanted to go to my hotel room and just stay there for the rest of the weekend.
Yes, I wanted to hide. That place inside of me that still believes I am less than, not enough, and forgettable began to rear its ugly head again. I was AWARE of it. I was so shocked that it was coming for me! “It’s not suppose to bother me at an event like this, an event I have wanted to attend for years! What the heck!”
As I relaxed in my room Friday afternoon, I allowed myself to get honest, to admit my fears and insecurities, and to just BE with the messy, heavy, and painful parts of myself. Then, I became willing to feel better, to make a different choice. I didn’t begin to feel better right away. Nope, I felt like crap and cried all day Saturday for the most part. I took classes and listened to my teachers and felt things deeply. I stopped pushing it down and just let it all flow up and out of me. Even though it was not how I expected to feel, I knew it was exactly where I was supposed to be. I was HEALING.
As a result of this very emotional confronting day, I had to open up to my friends. They could tell I wasn’t myself, and I just couldn’t pretend, so I shared my fears and insecurities and struggles with them. They were able to relate, and to share theirs with me as well, and we began to laugh and bond more deeply as women. By the end of Saturday I was laughing and smiling and feeling social again, and as of Sunday all the little miracles began to happen.
I had several little miracles happen for me over the weekend, and it was enough to restore my faith yet again, to show me that the Universe DOES provide as we do the work around our own growth and healing. We must be patient, we must be thorough, we must keep going even when we want to give up. This is our practice, this is yoga.
Finally I understood. Staying connected to my confidence, my truth, gratitude, my higher power, my dharma, is something I must be able to maintain, regardless of what is going on around me, regardless of what things look like and feel like in the moment. It is easy to believe, to feel good, to be grateful, to have confidence, to be at peace, when things our going our way, look the way we want them to, cater to our strengths, and boost our egos. It is not so easy when we are facing our demons head on, when humility is having its way with us, when we are SEEING our fears and insecurities everywhere, and when we aren’t feeling safe and supported by the universe.
So the questions is this…
How do we stay connected to our truth, our dharma, to Spirit when we are feeling super triggered? When we have forgotten that our presence IS our Power, how do we return to love and gratitude and faith? How do we take our POWER back an re-enter the FLOW?
Here Are 3 Ways To Take Your Power Back When You Have Forgotten Your Light:
1) Acknowledge that you have forgotten your light in the moment. Get honest. KNOW that you are suffering, admit it to yourself, but also KNOW there is a better way.
2) BE WILLING to feel differently about the life situation. Say, “I am willing to feel better in this moment. I am willing to see things differently now.”
3) Pray for a miracle. Ask the Universe/God/Divine Love/Mother Nature/Jesus/Buddha (*A God of YOUR own understanding) for a miracle. Say “I see that I am suffering. There must be a better way. I am WILLING to feel better about this. I need a miracle now. Bless me and this situation with a miracle. Thank you for this miracle.”
Then we must be willing to do this practice as much as it takes until the shifts begin to occur. They will happen, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but they WILL always manifest if we practice these steps and wait in faith for the solution. Your solution may come in the form of a conversation, a book, a teacher, a sign on the wall, an ad on the TV, or many other things. Stay open. Ask for the willingness to receive your message when it comes.
I trust that your miracles will unfold in Divine timing, and I look forward to hearing about them when they do. Please contact me here or in the comment section on social media for questions and comments. I love hearing from you! If you feel that these words may resonate with your tribe, please share!
Thank you so much for being here. Love and blessings.
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