How many times have you looked back on something or replayed certain moves on your part at some time in your life, thinking to yourself, “If only I’d done things differently, if only we had been more honest, if only I wasn’t so scared, if only I had really been myself, if only, if only, if only…THEN things would have turned out the way I wanted them to?”
Yeah, I think it’s pretty safe to say we have ALL done this and probably still do from time to time. This little glitch in our minds has me fascinated. In fact, there have been many times that it has been able to tease me into contemplation mode and all too often I have given into the foreplay with it, excited to explore what it appeared to be offering me.
Turns out, this is a kinky little concept, that gets us into bed with it, and makes it really hard to get out. It will suck your energy dry with all the romanticising about what you should-a, could-a, and would-a done.
BUT YOU DIDN’T!
Therefore stop falling for this concept, because it NEVER ends well. In fact, it hurts you by creating an illusion that is not based in REALITY. It tells you that if you just improve this or that, if you just hadn’t done that thing or said that other thing, or if you can just be a certain way for X-amount of time, that there will actually be a reward waiting for you. It dangles the carrot in front of your face, only you will NEVER reach the carrot, because the carrot is just a figment of your wishful thinking! It’s not real, and therefore time and time again, you just get left feeling defeated, powerless, frustrated, and dissatisfied.
Sound familiar?
The should-a, could-a, would-a’s usually make a strong case in defense of the outcome you THINK you wanted. But do you really believe that you have that much control over the outcome in the first place? I am FINALLY seeing that we just don’t, and the biggest problem that this belief creates, is our lack of acknowledgment and awareness of, and APPRECIATION for, the things that WE DID, and the things that ARE.
Due to experience from doing things the hard way for so long, I now believe that sometimes, certain things just AREN’T meant to be, and NO MATTER WHAT we did differently would NOT have changed the outcome in the end.
Instead of looking back or looking forward, let’s look AROUND us. Who’s there now? What is on your path today? What if you knew THESE were the answers to your prayers, your intentions, your visualizations, and your wishes and affirmations? How might you feel about them then?
What is showing up TODAY, is like the Divine’s way of directing us. Our wishes, prayers, and intentions are like plugging in directions into a GPS in our cars. When you do this in your car, do you then ignore the directions that your GPS begins to reveal to you? No, because you TRUST that it is taking you where you want to go. You just follow the next guided action, and the next, and the next. If you make a wrong turn, your GPS will re-adjust to keep you on the right path.
We so often think that somehow we’ve messed up our ideal outcome, that somehow we let something slip away because of our weaknesses, or somehow we just haven’t had what it takes to maintain a certain relationship or career path. But all along, we have been being guided, and everything that has happened up to now was bringing us to this very moment, like it or not.
I write to you about this today because I have recently had to revisit some past relationship stuff in India that has continued to affect me since I have been home. In India, we were made to dig deep and look at certain things about ourselves, our beliefs, our past lovers and partners, and our families. For me, some painful old memories and feelings got dragged back to the surface. I began to fall under the spell again, that there was actually a way for me to experience a different outcome than I had in the past, when it came to something in particular. You see, I had finally moved on from this concept, or so I thought, FINALLY accepting that things would NEVER be different, only to go through a number of things in India that made me feel, that perhaps I had been wrong about that. At first I kept my defenses up, but after a few weeks, I began to weaken and romanticise the should-a, could-a, would-a’s.
BIG LEARNING LESSON for me. One I’d hoped I’d never to have to learn again, but apparently I needed one last kick up the bum from the should-a, could-a, would-a’s.
This really messed me up in a lot of ways once I got home, because I was no longer able to see what was HERE NOW. I was no longer able to appreciate what WAS, what I DID, and what I AM. I was so blinded by this INSANITY, that I felt no gratitude at all for the many gifts that had already been placed on my path for me to experience, some of which had literally been Divine Deliveries to my front doorstep. I was so happy and thankful for all these things before India. However, when I returned home, it was like arriving back to a closet full of crap and I wasn’t sure about what needed to stay and what needed to go.
So I began to sort through it all.
For the last 4 weeks, I have been doing a real inventory of my past, my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and my relationships. It has been an extremely internal and personal process for me, and one that I am still in. However, each day I get profound glimpses of the truth, and I experience a little bit more clarity and acceptance.
What I have come to understand is ACCEPTANCE. It doesn’t matter “why” things went the way they did or didn’t go the way the didn’t in the past. They went the way they went. PERIOD. I MUST focus on where I am now, you must focus on where you are now, and let’s stay focused on what is showing up today, not yesterday. Trying to figure things out, to analyse why, only distracts us from what is present. Should-a, Could-a, Would-a will never take you anywhere good. It will lead you straight into your own insanity, carrying you further and further away from your chance to BE HAPPY.
What should-a happened, DID happen. What could-a happened, DID happen. What would-a happened, DID happen. You just don’t know it yet.
I will continue to walk along my path, leaning into my faith that I am being guided and supported, and I hope you will walk along with me leaning into your faith as well.
I’d love to hear what you are thinking and feeling. As always, you can leave your questions and comments here for me on the blog or email me at [email protected].
Love and Gratitude,
Erin
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