Today I am reflecting on the last few months. Boy have they been a wild ride. Actually, on April 5th I had surgery. It was an old injury, an umbilical hernia, that I no doubt got back in the day when I was a crazy fitness queen. I use to push SO hard at everything, and it definitely began to show up in my body. At first it showed up in good ways. After all, having washboard abs and not an ounce of body fat felt really good at that time in my life. However, after years of pushing, then it began to show up in not so good ways. My nervous system was jacked, I was stiff and sore all the time, my back was going out about 2-3 times a year, and I just started feeling old in my body when I was only in my 20’s! Then, things like hernias began to reveal themselves. I had many different signs along the way that all screamed SLOW DOWN ERIN!
Did I listen? Most definitely NOT at first haha. But over the years, I have been humbled, and as a result, I have surrendered. This surrender led me to a much different place. To give you a clue of how different, I am now a yoga and meditation teacher, and I love it!
My surgery was almost like a closing of that PUSH and FORCE chapter in my life. It was obvious how far I’ve come in terms of the self-love I now feel for myself. I wasn’t able to exercise much at all for nearly 7 weeks. A few years ago that would have completely destroyed me.
My entire self-worth and ability to feel good and strong inside myself, was attached to my physical body, how it looked, and how well I fulfilled my daily and weekly routines.
Let me just say how much better it feels to not have such an attachment anymore.
That said, the last few months have been about me confronting another layer of things that are not aligning with my highest good. Therefore I have been meditating on what shifts need to occur, and staying present with what is, and as a result, things are certainly coming back into alignment.
One thing that fell away a bit as a result of my surgery and then working full on once I recovered from it, was my exercise time! As much as I am not attached to exercise, I also know I LOVE it and it is something that supports me when it comes from a loving place. So I must be sure I schedule the things into my day, my week, and my life that are nourishing and nurturing on every level for me.
Last week was the first week I didn’t work 7 days in a row in 6 weeks. CRAZY right?
I agree. I KNOW I should NEVER agree to work 7 days, and yet…I did it anyway. WTF?
I did it because there was still an old program running that said, I must do X to get Y.
So many of us struggle with following our intuition or Inner Guru because of our conditioning. There are deeply rooted beliefs that tell us there is a specific formula for things and if we don’t follow it, we won’t get results. Most of the time, following such a formula does not feel good, and we actually end up feeling like crap. How can this be a good thing?
Now I do not claim this to be fact, but this is my experience:
Abundance, well-being, and prosperity are not a result of DOING. They are a result of BEING in a place that feels good. When we feel good, we have energy. When we are feeling alive, we get inspired.
When we are inspired, we call forth the magic of the Universe and it literally begins to deliver our desires to our front door.
Now this does not mean we will sit at home and do nothing necessarily. Rather it means, that when we are present, and in a place that feels GOOD, whatever is required will be obvious. We will be guided, and whatever actions are necessary to move us toward our heart’s desires will happen in a way that feels natural and organic. Everything will start happening automatically is what I mean.
Why do we feel that pushing and forcing our way is what makes sense? I remember my life coach said to me years ago, “Erin, what if you didn’t have to chase down your dreams, and they actually came to you? Is that something you can accept as your possibility, and is it something you are willing to accept as your reality?”
It resonated with every cell in my being. I just KNEW that was the way it was meant to be, and at the same time doubted that it could happen for me. Nonetheless, I held the intention, and I can honestly say I finally know what my life coach meant. What a paradigm shift!
When I went through my surgery in April, as you can imagine, I was made to SLOW WAAAY DOWN. I cried a lot. Mostly it was me purging old ideas, limiting beliefs, shame, rejection, and all sorts of things that I’d carried around inside of me for so long. My partner and I broke up the day after my surgery and it was the catalyst that I needed to help me access these old feelings and experiences. It was the best thing that ever happened to me too, because I was able to release so much in all the down time I had, and as a result, my partner and I ended up back together, and happier than ever.
You see, before my surgery and break-up, I was still pushing and forcing life to look and feel the way I thought it was supposed to.
I had no idea that LOVE, real LOVE, was something totally different than I thought it was…much like a lot of things 😉
Love, is a choice. It happens when we no longer look through the eyes of fear, and begin seeing through the eyes of acceptance. When we see through the eyes of unconditional love, ANYTHING SEEMS POSSIBLE.
During the 7 weeks of physical healing, it was also 7 weeks of spiritual and emotional healing for me. I learned so much about unconditional love and acceptance, and I learned the true meaning of vulnerability.
As amazing as it was to learn about, and finally GET what vulnerability is…it was even better to begin experiencing the miracles that come as a result of BEING vulnerable every day in every way.
Over the last 4 years I wouldn’t say I have changed a lot. Instead, I would say I have dropped into a place inside of me, where I can finally allow the Spirit of who I have always been, to shine through in everything that I do. This isn’t easy for most of us at first, but it is one of the greatest feelings and most fulfilling journeys. I have gone from someone who use to push and force, who was results driven and motivated by ego-based fear, and who was extremely attached to outcomes and consumed by expectations, to someone who is able to allow life to flow to and through me and who accepts that life happens FOR me.
Today, I am still a work in progress. I still get messy and awkward and go through things that challenge me to stay true to what I know in my heart. The only difference is, I no longer try to hide this from you. As as a result, I can let go of expectations and attachments to outcomes. When we show up and share what’s in our hearts, regardless of the outcome, Self-Acceptance manifests! As I accept myself right now, exactly the way I am, I give unconditional LOVE my permission to take over my life. As I accept myself, I am finally able to let you in. As I let you in, you let me in, and we finally truly connect. As we connect, we both learn, we both heal, and we both expand. In my opinion, this is the greatest gift we can ever receive.
I am deeply grateful for the journey I have had thus far. It has taken me through many dark nights, many lonely days, and lots of fearful moments, but I am more ALIVE today than I have ever been. I know deep in my heart that there is a presence available to each of us that is so pure, so open, and so supportive, and when we tap into it, anything and everything we need arrives. (2 examples: #1) I was thinking of how I’d like to get a photo shoot done to get some pics of me doing yoga poses, and Lululemon literally just rang me to ask if I would be willing to be their yoga model tomorrow and feature in this week’s Newsletter. So…looks like I’ll be getting those pictures even sooner than I thought 🙂 Thank you Lulu! AND #2) I was just thinking about how much I love my man, and I just got a text from him. It said “I love you.” Best. Message. Ever. Thanks baby! )
If you feel you are ready to live your life with your Inner Guru in charge, so you can create a Heart-Centered life instead of an Ego, Fear-Based Life, then you are definitely ready for some support. Please go to myinnerguru.eventbrite.com to find out about my up coming workshop starting 21 July.
Thank you, love you, Be well,
Do want to live your life to the fullest? If you are ready to experience soulful relationships, more inner peace in your soul, and purpose in your life, and you are serious about investing in yourself, then perhaps you are ready to work with a Soulful Coach. If this is YOU, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. The E.L.M. Personal Growth Mentoring Program is an exciting, mind and heart opening, highly effective way to release your mental, physical, and emotional blocks so you can live a life you love in a body you love. It’s an investment in your health and happiness. Serious inquiries only.