“Erin, always, that which you most need is already at hand. It’s just your present belief in its absence that keeps it from view.You knew that.” – The Universe
For those of you who are feeling like you are meant to do something BIG in the world, but for whatever reason, haven’t been able to bring it all the way into physical reality just yet, this is for you!
If you KNOW you have a message, a gift, a talent, a deep burning desire, but you are getting caught up in the playing small, the heaviness, the doubt, the judgment, the fear, and the shame, this is for you!
I don’t often share publicly about my journey in business, but I am feeling like it is time!
I had a call yesterday with a friend of mine who is in a business community with me, and it inspired me to share some of my journey!
HUGE INSIGHT came through for me! Whilst I may not do it justice in trying to put into words my experience, I must try anyway. And you need a little backstory for it to make sense.
She spoke to something that I have never had anyone speak to before.
And the light bulb went on.
I have struggled, A LOT, to bring my ideas into physical reality since becoming an online business and presence (Coach, Soul-Ful Speaker, Writer). And ALOT of judgment and beating myself of and depression has come from this frustration.
You see, before I really found this to be my purpose, I was a big DO-ER.
ACTION and DOING was all I knew.
I was a fitness competitor and performer, always dieting and rehearsing routines. And before that I was a tope performing student and a cheerleader, on a competitive team, practicing 6 times a week. And before that I was a a competitive gymnast. And before that a dancer and circus performer.
I knew how to TAKE ACTION and make Shit happen.
THEN, I graduated from college and felt lost. “What is my purpose here on Earth? What am I meant to be doing?”
I roamed the country with these questions, landing in Los Angeles.
I fell into addiction and substance abuse. My body-image and self-love was at an all time low.
Then I discovered spirituality. And I learned how to enter the energy and stillness of BEING. And I found so much relief there.
For the first time, life was starting to make sense to me.
Finally I was getting answers to questions and thoughts I’d had since age 5 such as “What is the point of life? Why am I here? There has got to be more than meets the eye!”
And from that point forward it became more and more difficult for me to give my clients a 90 day diet or program to get the body they wanted. From there on out, I couldn’t give action steps or strategy or specific 1, 2, 3 programs because I knew that what was most important was to help my clients heal, and in order to do that, it meant introducing them to BEING.
So it didn’t take long before I transitioned from Personal Trainer to the stars to living in Australia, studying yoga, becoming certified to teach it, and beginning my path to sharing meditation, yoga, and mindfulness with anyone who was interested in this kind of growth.
My coaching work with clients went from “this is what to eat” To “Let’s get to the root of why you are trying to fill yourself with food and stuff, because your belly and life is full but you are still starving. It’s time to look at what your SOUL is hungry for.”
And then I immersed myself in this work.
But, my website didn’t really grow to reflect the changes I had made. And I never wrote the e-books I said I would, and my writing slowed down, and the videos I was filming weekly pretty much came to an end as well.
And I didn’t know why. All I could say was “I just feel the need to live for a while. To just be.”
Well, Kelly Jo Murphy actually put words to why it has been so difficult for me to narrow, to create strategy, and to bring my love into physical reality in the form of products and programs.
She said “The pendulum swang. You went from so much doing in your younger years, to learning how to just BE. And it was important for you to BE there for as long as you needed, until you were ready for that pendulum to come back to the middle, finding a way to bring both the doing and the being together.”
She spoke of our processes and how we all are at different phases at different times, and if we aren’t in the right phase of our process, no matter how hard we try, the doing and narrowing is just going to feel impossible!
FINALLY I felt relived that there wasn’t something WRONG WITH ME.
Finally I understood where I have been in my process.
And it made it easier to see where I am now, and to acknowledge the shift that is occurring, and to recognize that I AM more and more ready for the strategy, for the bringing of my creations through me into physical reality, but that I can have patience and know that I am also allowed to take this step by step.
And right now, I am at a critical point, where I must focus on what feels GOOD. How do I want my business to FEEL? Because If I begin to narrow too soon, I will create something that does not feel good and I am aware of that when I say things like “I want to create a group programs or write a book.”
Those ARE things I want, BUT, they are still tied to bad feelings of limitation and I contract and feel yucky when I say them. So I am only inspired to take a limited amount of action around bringing them forth into reality. And Kelly Jo Murphy felt that and pointed that out to me and I was like YES!!!!
So, my work is not so much about the WHAT just yet, but more so about how I want things to FEEL? AND, weirdly enough, I am uncertain. I have to work on this. It feels foreign to me, and uncomfortable. And yet it is an assignment I CAN take on, and WANT to take on.
Because the idea of LOVING the way it feels to wake up to my work, feels expansive and delicious.
So I guess that’s the first two words. EXPANSIVE and DELICIOUS.
I want my business to feel EXPANSIVE. I want my heart to EXPLODE with joy.
I want to feel so deeply grateful and peaceful and on fire with excitement, that nothing can stop me from the next right action.
I want to feel like I matter, like my work matters, and like my audience is my family.
I want my business to feel like an evolution, like consciousness birthing into reality, like freedom happening in the minds and hearts of humanity.
I want to fall in love with me, and with my audience. I want to feel held in a blanket of love and security. I want my business to feel supportive, nourishing, and nurturing.
I want to feel lifted up by it.
I want my work to feel like it is landing somewhere, and I want to feel like it is making a positive difference in the lives of other women and human beings everywhere, changing the world for the better.
Do any of you relate to this?
Where do you feel frustrated in your process? What dreams do you have that haven’t been born into physical reality yet?
Or, I’d love to hear how you came to KNOW how you wanted your business to feel and then how that has begun to manifest into physical reality to be a business that feels nourishing and yummy. How does it feel to have created that? I would LOVE to know!
P.S. If you resonate with my words, you may also resonate with my work! If you said, “YES, that’s me” at any time through this article, and you would like some support, then let’s connect! Email me at [email protected] and we will set up a 90 minute call to have one of the most POWERFUL Conversations we have ever had, and we can explore whether or not coaching together is a a good fit.