At 38 years of age, never been married, and no children of my own, I must say there has been much to contemplate in the last couple of years.
About 2 years ago, I was faced with an opportunity to look deeply at what I wanted for my life. I had to ask BIG questions like, “Do I really want children?” “Do I really want marriage?” “What do I REALLY want to create and have in my life?”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted those things because of societal conditioning and programming, or if those were truly MY desires. So I had to dig deep.
Growing up, I never really focused much on this stuff, because I just assumed these things would fall into place when the timing was right. It sure seems to for most.
But that hasn’t been my story. So far, my path has been quite different. And at 38, never been married, and no children of my own, I find myself in an interesting position that has been hard to understand, and equally hard to explain.
I’ve noticed that part of me that wants to “fit in.” But right now, the majority of women my age, are mothers and wives.
So again, this has caused me to look deeply at this need to fit in, and how that can take us into “the wrongness” of ourselves if we don’t feel like we do. It has also invited me to play around with my perspective and ask questions like “What’s right about this that I’m not getting?”
In my journaling practice this morning, I realized, in many ways, I have been WAITING. Waiting to grow up, get married, and have kids, before I really start to plan and live my life the way I would if I were no longer “waiting.”
So I called myself on it. I felt gratitude for the awareness. And then I began to ask questions like “If I am to live my life never getting married or having a family of my own, what would I choose to have in and as my life?”
And then I began to write and write and write. I wrote about the goals I wanted to set, the places I wanted to see, the new skills I wanted to acquire, the kinds of communities, relationships, and activities I want to cultivate, and I began to get a full-body feeling of that greater, fuller, richer expression of myself.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be a wife or a mom, but I’ll embrace and celebrate those opportunities, shall they bless my life. But if there are different plans for me, then I will embrace those too. Because happiness is not the destination, it IS the path. Love isn’t the destination. Love IS the path.
May we embrace the path we’re on. May we know deep in our hearts and souls, that all is well. <3
What goals do you want to set? What places do you want to see? What new skills do you want to acquire? What types of communities, relationships, and activities do you want to cultivate? And would you like some support with that? Book your FREE one-on0one discovery session now. https://calendly.com/erinlanahanmethod/60min
It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt
donate to this brilliant blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google
account. I look forward to brand new updates and will share this blog with
my Facebook group. Talk soon!
Hey there! Thanks so much! I’m going to have to get that donate button up now. Thanks for the brilliant idea 🙂 Wonderful to meet you and thanks for your presence here.
I just stumbled across your page while searching for a yoga retreat on Eventbrite. I am have so much gratitude that I clicked on this blog. I am 31 and too have never been married nor have I been blessed with kids. I am confident and content on my own but go through phases where I have an overwhelming yearning for children. When this happens I borrow one of my nieces or nephews for the day. I was in a very long relationship through almost all of my 20s and since I recently dated someone for a couple months whom I truly thought I would marry. But it turns out it wasn’t meant to be. It is difficult because I see the life I desire with out kids. This life includes traveling, owning a non profit, teaching, helping and empowering women and homeless around the world. It’s scary to chase dream on your own, and I have fear of being with out a partner. But it is apparent and has beeen proven to me time and time again, that I will always be okay. I have come to the conclusion I can do it alone but it is better with a partner. And once I am where I need to be, a partner will show up when I least expect it. And if not, I will have been meant to live this life with spiritual children and friends. Thank you for sharing.
Hey girl! Just seeing this comment! So sorry for the delayed response haha! Thanks for sharing so sweetly and openly! Big love to you and blessings on your journey!