A Broken Heart…

It’s something most of us have probably had once, twice, or many times. As you all know, I speak from my heart as best I can. I share my truth, my triumphs, my pain, my experiences, and my joy with you, for both you and for me. I believe this kind of openness helps us heal and evolve our ablity to connect with others.

Recently I met someone who I felt was pretty special. Our circumstances weren’t ideal because, although we met in the same country, we do not live in the same country. Bummer #1. However, my passion for possibilities and my faith in true connection took over, and my head had to take a back seat. I was ready to give things with him a full on GO, as crazy as that might have been.

We communicated back and forth pretty consistently for a month, but my intuition kept nudging me, “Erin, this doesn’t feel right. You are doing it again.”

I was doing it again. I was basing my feelings on the level of my own hope and faith, without really checking in with his level of feelings, his hope, and his ability to have faith in the possibility of our outcome. So, I gathered all my courage, I had a talk with my heart and promised it I was only doing what was best for it, and I had a conversation with him.

Let’s just say this. He and I were not on the same page. Bummer #2. There was such a HUGE part of me that wanted to give myself less, so that I could receive the minimal amount he was able to give. I almost allowed myself to shrink my possibilities because the person on the other end was unable to see and feel what I saw and felt.

Well, I didn’t do that this time. Luckily, the last time I did that was painful enough for me to learn that if I just keep sticking up for my values, my worth, and my ability to believe that anything possible, that I WILL find great love.

Afterall, if it’s not great, I’d rather be single.

Even though I am going through my own process about having to let this person go, and it isn’t always easy, at the same time I am choosing to OPEN my heart, not close it.

If we want to keep moving closer to what we desire most, we must do more of what takes us there. When we shut down, we become stagnant, numb, and unconscious. When we open, we may feel raw, uncertain, vulnerable, and scared, but at least we are feeling something. At least we remain conscious and available for the next amazing opportunity to enter our hearts.

Most of us repeat a pattern. Our heart gets broken, and we carry that damaged baggage with us into the present and the future. We shut down to new people, assuming they are going to be the same as the last, and we slowly begin to grow more and more numb inside as we use whatever we can to avoid feeling the pain. But WE become the only thing in our way of having everything we’ve always wanted. WE cut ourselves off from love, no one else.  

This took me many broken hearts, and the last 32 years to figure out.

Based on my own life experiences, and what I have seen and helped my clients go through, I have put together my own set of tools. I have come to know the difference between what my head thinks and what my heart feels.

Here are 5 ways to heal your broken heart once and for all:

1) Embrace the uncertainty, pain, and discomfort. Go deep inside. Stop being afraid of it. Stop trying to make it go away with food, drugs, alcohol, staying too busy all the time. It will NOT go away unless you shut up, sit down, close your eyes and FEEL IT. It may feel like you are going to die, but I promise you, you will be at breakfast the next morning and the morning after that. You aren’t going to die by feeling it. In fact, you are going to wake up from your slumber and you will finally begin to LIVE!

2) Get out of victim mode and recognize the Universal intervention instead. We all want to complain, to get down and out, and to wonder “Why me?” “Why does this always happen to me?” “What’s wrong with me?” “How can I possibly go on?”

STOP IT! We continue to go through things until we go through them with 100% consciousness. If we are only half awake in relationships, then we are only making half authentic decisions and choices. Of course things will NOT work when we do this.

A girlfriend of mine recently kept running into her ex-husband everywhere. It KILLED here every time too. However, she has set a very clear and powerful intention, to find real, great love. She asked the Universe to help her heal, so she could finally be open to all that her heart desires.

Well, as the saying goes:

When we ask God for patience, God gives us long lines.

If you want to heal and find great love, expect to be confronted by all the things that are keeping you from it first. Be grateful, not a victim, for you are getting what you asked for.

3) Every time you feel your heart shriveling up, shutting down, and closing off, make another choice. Breathe deeply into the tension in your chest, and affirm this:

“In this moment I choose love. I will only OPEN my heart from this day forward. I am love. I am open. I AM READY TO RECEIVE. Thank you, thank you, thank you Universe for the gifts you have delivered to me. I am blessed.”

Literally feel into your heart. Feel it opening, feel it’s resistance to opening and promise it you will take care of it. It is not afraid to love again. NO. It is afraid of what you’ll do to it if love with someone doesn’t work out.

Remember, only YOU can close yourself off from love…no one else.

4) Be willing to let all the men, women, and past stuff go, so you can be free to experience who and what is NOW. We must remind ourselves that no two people are the same. Just because you get into the same circumstances with someone new, that didn’t work in the past with someone else, doesn’t mean you are in the same situation again. No, because the person is different this time. TRUST that there is a reason you are repeating the same thing with someone new. This may actually be your chance to regain your faith in unlimited possibilities.

Every relationship is an opportunity to heal, to grow more conscious, more alive, more open. We don’t have to wait to be perfect before we fall in love. It’s the opposite. Love is there to heal us. In a conscious relationship, two people have the power of helping one another reach their full potential, by learning to trust and believe in things they lost faith in prior to meeting one another.

There are just some things that cannot be healed or worked through until we are actually IN a relationship with someone else. So what are you waiting for?

5) Trust your inner guidance and walk away from something that cannot give you what your intuition says is available for you. Every broken heart we’ve had, and every relationship that didn’t make it, was NOT for no reason. All of those experiences were our opportunities to become stronger, more clear about our boundaries, more confident in who we are, to learn how to really love ourselves, to reclaim our power, and to trust that when we declare and demand what we know we deserve, no matter what happens, we will be better off in the long run.

Use all of that awesome experience and divine knowledge you now have, not to close yourself off from love, but rather to become more open to it.

Trust that you KNOW how to navigate your way through much better this time. Also trust your intuition and walk away if the other person isn’t showing up as an equal match to you. Always come from love and give them the opportunity to show up before you walk away, but if they cannot match you, do what feels right for YOU.

So many of us hold on to something that isn’t really working for us because we are afraid we won’t find something better. This especially happens the closer we get to finding great love because each person we meet gets so close to being and having everything we’ve always wanted. BUT, hold out for the one who has EVERYTHING. Hold out for the one who sees you, who gets you, and wants you just as much as you want them. Hold out for the one who doesn’t have to be convinced of what is standing right before them.

A broken heart is not a curse. It’s not something to feel ashamed of or angry about. I know it can be hard not to feel those things, but you you have a choice. I have a choice too. Today, I choose to open, to love more deeply than ever before, and to trust and believe in what’s possible for me and my life.

What do you choose?

Please share your story with us at Erin Lanahan Method by sending an email to transform@erinlanahanmethod.com. You are supported absolutely!

Sending you all many hugs, lots of love, and an open heart,

Erin xoxo

If you are truly ready to transform your body, your relationships, and your life, act now. Email me at transform@erinlanahanmethod.com and ask about my Transformational Life Coaching Programs. Coaching is a serious investment in yourself, so serious inquiries only please. Thank you in advance!