Honestly, how honest are you with yourself and with others on a daily basis? My guess is that most people are only ever half-honest with themselves at best.
Our lack of honesty with others is not intentional most of the time, it’s just a repercussion of our inability to be honest with ourselves. The problem with this is, we hurt a lot of people by default.
A lack of honesty exists only in the parts of ourselves that have not woken up from our slumber just yet. It is where we are still hiding in fear.
Why is honesty so important?
First of all, let’s be clear. When I talk about honesty, what I mean is the ability to have conscious thoughts, actions, and relationships. What I mean is to allow the real and raw expression of your deepest, most inner truth to do the talking AND the walking.
Do you know what that is? Do you know who you are, what you want, what you like, what your boundaries are, and what you’re worth? Do you have an understanding of how willing you are, or not, to be available for great love, great connection, great opportunities, and therefore an AWESOME life? Do you have unwavering respect for yourself, and are you willing to stand up for what you deserve?
I have been in a couple dating type relationships with people over the last few years who were stumped by me when I asked them certain questions. Apparently my inquiries called upon them to take a deeper look inside than they were ready for, and boy did they get triggered! I found myself having these experiences with them as a result of me needing to get more clear about their feelings for me. I wasn’t happy, but couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just let things be the way they were.
Based on how things were going on the outside, it all seemed like things should be working. However my intuition, my gut, and my highest awareness knew something wasn’t right and must be addressed.
Yep…there were DEFINITELY mixed signals I was denying.
THAT was my real and raw innermost truth, speaking to me, urging and encouraging me to be brave and follow what I knew and felt. This is always challenging because we doubt ourselves and we fear coming across as needy, demanding, or over analytical. Am I right?
When I went to them, from as much love, openness, and honesty as I could, they jumped to the defense pretty fast. It’s as if all of a sudden I was the enemy trying to take away their freedom. But the TRUTH is, I was only asking them how they felt, so I could make the best choice for ME. I never asked them to change, or give me something they could not.
I didn’t want to be the center of their Universe, NO WAY and NO THANK YOU! I just wanted to know if they wanted to explore existing in the Universe WITH me, as partners.
They ummed and awed, and their discomfort was VERY clear. They didn’t know how they felt and they weren’t in any kind of place to know any time soon. So they got mad at me, sometimes nasty with me, and a little bit of sweet and vulnerable in between. But even still, they were unable to give me any clear answer about how they felt about me or if they wanted to create something with me.
Where did that leave me?
That left me to decided what was best for me, which in both cases was to walk away, as hard as that was for me at the time.
However, we cannot be with someone who is lacking in their own ability to be honest and clear with themselves, because there is no way they can be clear and honest with someone else, and the likelihood of them sending mixed signals and leading you on is VERY good.
However, that said, we must take full responsibility for our part in all things. If we are truly being honest with OURSELVES the whole time, we will know enough to not allow things to carry on as they are, falling down the rabbit hole of our own denial. Deep inside we always know the truth of the situation we are in. It’s just a matter of being strong enough to admit it to ourselves and then taking appropriate action.
Don’t wait for someone else to tell you what you already know. Why? It could take way longer than it should for you to get your SH*T together if you do this.
When we begin to live our lives from the truth we feel inside, we become more and more able to trust ourselves.
It is difficult to trust ourselves before we have taken the leap of faith, followed our intuition, and found out we were right! The more we do this, the more we grow to trust our truth to take care of us, and therefore the more honest with ourselves and others we become. Then, the flow of beautiful, authentic relationships and opportunities begin to blossom in our lives. We let go of what’s not good for us, and make room for all that is.
If you are in a confused place as well, being with another confused person may be cool for you right now. It might feel good, and you may prefer the lack of direction, clarity, and real connection. Hey, whatever floats your boat! Ultimately if it works for you, that is great!
For me, I am in a place in my life where I am realizing that honesty is all there really is, and all I really HAVE, so it just doesn’t work for me to put myself in those kinds of scenarios. Although I must admit, they have certainly been AMAZING strengthening exercises for my honesty muscles!! 😉
No matter what you are going through in your life, EVERYONE benefits by your ability to be brutally honest with yourself and therefore others. Why stay in unhealthy, unhappy, and less than ideal situations when your greatest, most awesome life and relationships await you??
Here are 3 reasons WHY honesty is all we really have anyway:
1) If the house isn’t built on steady ground, then the structure and future of its well-being will always be shaky.
In life, we WILL be confronted. Our relationships will kick up ALL our muck, our deepest fears, and our darkest insecurities, no matter how amazing the relationship is. This is the whole point of relationships. They are here to heal us and guide us towards our highest expression.
If we don’t have honesty, with ourselves and each other, we don’t have much to stand on. In order to get through the intense, yet transformational ride of relationships, we have GOT to connect to, and then from, our truest, most authentic selves first.
This is the same in jobs. If you lie to yourself and pretend you are happy doing something you know limits your bliss, then EVERYONE will feel that on some level. Most businesses don’t run as effectively and efficiently as they could BECAUSE the majority of the people working for it are denying themselves the gift of trusting their truth. So many of them are living in denial of who and what they really are, and sadly they are usually not even aware they are doing it. Not unless someone begins to call them out, and ask them questions. Instead of standing up in their lives and declaring what they deserve, they just take a seat and settle, until they get a glimpse of how the truth can really feel.
2) The only thing that REALLY ignites our bones is the TRUTH.
There is nothing more terrifying, and at the same time nothing more EXHILARATING. Think about it, when do you feel the most alive? I bet it’s when your FEELING the most. It’s when we hear or see something that wakes us up, that offers us a glimmer of hope for a better way, and that resonates with every cell in our bodies regardless of how resistant our minds are to it.
It’s like sky diving. Terrifying, exhilarating, the mind says HELL NO, but the heart and body say HELL YES. Which one do you listen to most of the time?
I am not saying we all need to go sky diving. I am personally still working through my own fears around trying this (although I’d like to). All I am saying is to take another look at your truth and then ask yourself who’s making the decisions in your life. Is it your fears or your truth?
3) We can “fall in love,” make a billion dollars, travel the world, build businesses, have lots of children, and achieve the perfect body, but if we do it from a place within ourselves that is not operating from pure honesty with ourselves and others, then the chances are, we will still not be happy with the results.
It may take longer to build your life and reach your dreams when you focus on your truth first. Since we live in a society where more is better as fast as you can, this can feel like an unrealistic attempt to make.
Hey, it’s your choice.
In my experience, real and raw joy is an expression of real and raw honesty. If you think you’ve experienced joy without honesty, believe me…you have NO IDEA what you’re missing out on. NOTHING can compare to the real deal.
So, can you begin to ask yourself some questions? Are you willing to explore your own heart, your mind, and reveal your truth to yourself and then shine it in the world? I am eager to hear the truth you speak. Please share it with us at Erin Lanahan Method by sending an email to: email@example.com.
Remember, your truth is exactly what I need to you to give, and my truth is precisely what you came to receive.
The Truth Will Set You Free.
Sending you all so much love, an open heart, and an honest word.
Are you ready to live your life to the fullest? If you’re ready to transform your body, your relationships, and your life, you are serious about investing in yourself, and you are ready to work with a mentor, send us an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. The E.L.M. coaching program is intense and an investment. Serious inquiries only.