This is Day 6 out of the 9 days I am here in Ubud, Bali. This experience has been one of a kind I’ll tell ya. Between practicing yoga 3-4 times a day, meeting new friends, meditating, consuming massive amounts of cleansing and detoxifying smoothies, juices, tonics, and raw foods I have really been unable to be anywhere but IN THE MOMENT. I have even found it quite challenging to communicate with anyone outside of this little bubble I seem to be in at the moment (not to mention the WIFI is less than ideal which makes it even harder).
I seem to be at another point in my life where I am getting an even deeper connection to my Intuition/Inner Guru/God Within. Sometimes it is hard to know what our intuition is saying. In those moments when we are unclear, we become indecisive. So for me, that looks like an extremely stressed out version of Erin, ummm’ing and ahhh’ing about what to do, trying to decide what I feel is best vs. what I think I “should” do based on the opinions of others, and literally STUCK in the land of “I’m afraid to get wrong!”
The last couple of days this has started to happen. My body has been extremely sore from all the yoga, but because I am here, I feel a bit of silly or guilty not taking as many classes as possible. That said, one thing I have learned from all my years in the fitness industry, is that a lot of our growth comes from the down time, the rest, and the days we take OFF. I need these just as much as the hard time on the mat.
Our greatest achievements come as a result of doing what feels right for US.
Yesterday I went against my own intuition and took a class when I really wanted to meditate, swim in the pool, maybe do some shopping, just flow and chill. I absolutely could NOT find a grove in the class because everything felt like I was pushing AGAINST my natural flow. What did I do? After struggling for about 30 mins, doing the ummm’ing and ahhh’ing, I made a choice.
Yep, I have to admit, I was THAT yoga student who walked out in the middle of the class!!!
At first I felt really bad, and started running all the reasons through my head why leaving made me a weak devotee, a bad teacher, and then mostly because I was too tired to fight with myself, I just decided to let it go, to honour how I was feeling, and to go get a coconut kefir from Bali Buddha and head for my villa to just BE alone, to process all the feelings I am feeling during this phase of my life.
I got into my room, and I just sat. I closed my eyes, and I began to breathe, to feel the energy in my stomach, in my heart, in my throat, and in my body overall.
It felt SO good.
A got a little teary as I realised how much I had been running from myself the last few days and not even knowing it. I felt compassion for the place within me where there is sadness, fear, and uncertainty.
These are only natural things to experience. We try so hard not to feel them, and yet, they are what make the human experience complete.
We cannot protect ourselves from SOME feelings without protecting ourselves from ALL of them. This means as we shut ourselves off to fear, sadness, rejection, uncertainty, abandonment, etc, we also shut off to joy, love, peace, connection, and inspiration. We MUST be willing to have a parental-like support for the places within us where we feel weak and small, and yet find our strength in the support that we also have within us and open up to life no matter what.
We must be willing to feel vulnerable as Brene Brown says and “Show up and share what’s in our hearts, regardless of the outcome.”
This is how we learn, strengthen, grow, heal, connect, and SHINE.
We have so much information that comes at us from so many different directions, and what ends up happening is we LOSE OURSELVES!
One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is to return to our breath, to return to a space where there is no-one else or nothing else to influence us, so we can re-connect to truth, so we can get back home.
Once I was able to take this time out, to drop back into my heart, to re-enter MY flow, I remembered. I remembered that NO ONE ELSE, no teacher, no mentor, no friend, NO ONE, will ever know the truth for me more than my higher-self does.
Now don’t misunderstand me, I have been guided, supported, and HELPED so SO much by my teachers, mentors, healers, family, friends, shaman, coaches, monks, dasa’s, gurus, you name it! I am a coach and teacher myself. I have a MAD passion and deep love and respect for these people. I am not saying that these people cannot help us, they absolutely CAN and DO! What I mean is, at the end of the day, the whole point of all this help is to get us back to US, to re-connect us to the guru within. Ultimately even these great teachers cannot be inside of you, they cannot KNOW your Inner Guru the way you can.
So…today I decided to write to you, and to connect with my loved ones instead of going to morning yoga. I had almost forgotten that this IS yoga.
Yoga is about honouring our deepest truth, listening to our heart and body, being gentle, kind, and patient with ourselves, letting go of our attachments to results, outcomes, and destinations, and surrendering all our expectations to a greater plan unfolding.
Yoga is about SEEING the world from the heart instead of the mind. It’s about how we choose to show up in each moment, about how AWARE we commit to being in every moment, and how compassionate and accepting we are with ourselves, with others, and with the circumstances that are around us as well as within us. This means we can do yoga ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, with ANYONE. We do not necessarily have to do it on the mat, in a class, with a teacher.
Something I love to remind my students and clients of, mostly because I love being reminded of it myself, is that happiness is not about living some concept or idea of happiness. It doesn’t look like some big cheesy smile and a boat that never gets rocked.
Happiness is simple.
It is acceptance of WHAT IS. It is the state in which we are no longer judging our emotions and making up stories about them, but instead exist in a state of ALLOWING, observing, exploring, and maintaining a sense of curiosity about what we are feeling in each moment.
Therefore we may be feeling energy in the body that our minds want to label as fear or sadness, but instead of sticking the energetic/emotional experience into a box where it gets stuck, we surrender the labelling process, and adopt the experiencing process to replace it. We just begin to EXPERIENCE the feeling, the emotion, the energy, and finally we begin to LIVE. That’s it. In this place, our Inner Guru can finally reach us, it finally has our attention, and we can finally receive the guidance, support, and love we were longing for and seeking all along.
Again, this is just MY experience, what MY intuition has shown me, where MY Inner Guru as taken me, and I am finding what works for ME in this life and simply sharing it with you. I always invite and encourage you to take what aligns with your truth and leave the rest! Find what works for YOU!
The light within me, honours and bows to the light within you. May you continue to breathe, to sit still, to listen, for as long as it takes until you are embraced and cradled by your own light.
Love you All!
Are you ready to walk the path of self-love, to experience greater connection in relationships, and deepen your awareness of your own Inner Guru? Are serious about investing in yourself? If you said YES Erin, yes I am, then perhaps you are ready to work with me one-on-one! If this is YOU, please send an email to email@example.com. The E.L.M. Inner Guru Mentoring Program is an exciting, heart opening, highly effective way to re-connect you to your highest-self, so you can live a life you love in a body you love. It’s an investment in your health and happiness. Serious inquiries only. Thank you and Namaste 🙂