Today I HAD to get myself as close to the beach as possible. I was in bed with a terrible flu the last 4 days and for me, 4 days in bed puts things into perspective.
I think I questioned pretty much EVERYTHING. You see, I have always struggled with something:
Doing things the way everyone else is doing them VS. Doing things based on my OWN deepest core desire and instinct.
I suppose the older I get, the more I am tempted to believe the latter is irresponsible, maybe even dangerous. And yet, I don’t know that I am cut out for anything else. I try to be, but the moment always comes when I feel the need to take another huge leap, and go the distances of my hearts request, regardless of the risks taken in the process. My intuition tells me “GO FOR IT” and me fear tells me, “That is a mistake, and only irresponsible people do that.”
This morning I woke up with a LONGING in my heart. “What is it Erin?” I kept asking. “I just need to go, to flow, to BE, to holiday, to adventure, to take off, to beach it, to do it, to BE ME.”
Yes, welcome to the voices in my head.
Another thing I thought about a lot whilst I was sick in bed, was how much I speak to my clients about not editing themselves, in order to fit in, and yet I was aware of how often I still do this. For example, I am so afraid to let you in on the fact that I struggle between my truth and everyone else’s. But I don’t want to hide. That’s not what I’m about. So here it is.
I struggle to be open and honest because my clients and my students look to me for guidance, support, and my fear is that once you SEE me, once you know I too am questioning things, I will lose my value, my credibility, and you will no longer feel safe putting your faith in me.
I KNOW that we can only really connect with someone when they become open, vulnerable, and tell the REAL TRUTH. Otherwise there is always an element of hiding, something not fully on the table, and I don’t know about you, but when I keep secrets, they keep me feeling lonely and more than likely blow up in my face down the road.
I haven’t traveled in over a year. That’s a LONG time for me. I suppose I surrendered to a different kind of journey once I realized that moving back here from Australia was going to challenge me to grow in new ways, as a result of STAYING put and working through whatever comes up for me along the way. Everywhere I go, there I AM right 🙂
So I’ve processed 2 broken hearts in the last 18 months, I have faced deep, dark SHAME, AND I have completely started over certain aspects of my business, because although the old ways may have gotten me here, they were not going to take me much further. I have had many come to Jesus moments, more times than you can probably imagine. Each rock bottom moment has been an opportunity to get more clarity, to let certain things go, like fear, comparing, not trusting, and giving up any and all plans and timing I had for my life. It seems the Divine has different timing and plans than I do. And NO, do NOT always surrendered easily, in fact I have put up a pretty good fight for what I thought I wanted more days than I’d like to admit. But that’s the truth.
So today I honor the FREE SPIRIT within, taking her to the beach-side, to write in the outside breeze and smell of the ocean. Where to next??? Who knows!!! But isn’t it a beautiful thing to at least listen when we get that inner call? At least ask for more information? At least honor those deep desires and requests we get to the best of our ability? I BELIEVE this is critical for good health and happy living.
How do you honor the deeper calling within you? And…What do you fear telling other people about you? Please share with me here or on Social Media so everyone else can participate!
Love and Sunlight,
Do you have something you would like to create in your life that feels impossible? Would you like to make it possible? If so…you may be ready to do some one-on-one coaching with me! I build my practice by invitation and referrals only, so please drop me a note at firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like to connect and find out more!