Have you ever wondered WHY relationships can be so complicated? Does it interest you to explore the dynamics of intimate relationships, so that you can have the kind of partnership you truly desire?
And what about Break-Ups? Surely they don’t happen in order to punish us or cause us irreparable damage and unhealed pain, right?
This week we are taking a deep dive into love and relationships. Because let’s face it, life IS relationship. And the quest for LOVE is what ultimately drives and motivates everything we do!
What we are talking about today, applies to those of you in a happy relationship, who want to learn more about sustaining that sacred bond. It applies to those of you who are having relationship problems. It applies to those of you who are working towards the creation of partnership and intimacy. AND it also applies to all of you out there who are currently suffering from a broken heart.
In my experience as a Coach and a human being, relationships are the greatest way we learn, the fastest path to healing, and one of the hardest AND most joyful aspects of being human. These are our most honest mirrors, and they reflect back to us what we may not already see or have the ability to access within ourselves.
The question is…
ARE WE WILLING TO LET THEM BE THE POWERFUL, TRANSFORMATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES THAT THEY ARE?
Or, will we just keep pointing our finger, blaming our unhappiness and dissatisfaction on our partners, ex-partners, parents, siblings, and the world around us?
Relationships give us the opportunity to shift our operating system, from fear to love, from control to surrender, from motivation to inspiration.
If we choose to start asking different questions, we get the gift of shifting from:
“Life is hard and full of scarcity because of him, her, and them” mentality, to “What is he, she, and them, helping me see about ME, that needs to shift or change so I can experience this world and this life in the most joyful way?”
The choice is ours. And the opportunity is there shall we choose to say yes to it.
FREEDOM is ours if we want it, but we must be willing to acknowledge it as an option, we must work for it, and ultimately we must surrender to it.
For example, I LOVE my partner. He is literally the man of my dreams. I have imagined him for years before we actually met. When we met, the stars aligned, fireworks followed us wherever we went, and they still do.
AND…my relationship with him has also been one of the HARDEST places for me to remain calm, to stay grounded, and to sustain my own well-being practices. I have been confronted by unimaginable challenges and been given an opportunity to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about myself and what I want in my life.
I believe that when we meet the people in our lives who’s presence will literally TRANSFORM who we are being in the world, we will feel very attracted to them, and pulled to one another. This is because the roles we will play for each-other will challenge us to confront and to feel our darkest of thoughts, our conditioning, our insecurities, our limiting beliefs, and our scarcity mentality.
NOT so we can suffer, but so we can be LIBERATED from our suffering.
We must become AWARE of what holds us back if we are going to be able to change how we show up and breakthrough to new places in love, health, and success.
My partner’s presence in my life has been like a HUGE flashlight that has shined on the shame I was till carrying around, the scarcity mentality that still effected my business, and the fear I had about letting go and trusting the process. AND, because his presence helps me see these things, it naturally helps me heal them.
Another HUGE GIFT I get from having him around, is that I learn things I wouldn’t otherwise learn. Such as facts about music, he inspires me to learn Spanish and guitar, and he brings a whole lot of SILLY into my days, which helps me lighten up and laugh!
Let’s face it. LOVE is a risk. There is never a guarantee.
When we embark on a journey of partnership with another, this will go where it goes and we cannot predict how far we go together. That said, 2 people can make a commitment, and then dive into the work they must do on themselves as well as in the relationship so they increase their chances of personal growth and liberation as well as an intimate bond that continues to deepen, expand, and grow them into greater expressions of themselves.
But there are no guarantees. We must love WHOLEHEARTEDLY, without proof that this will last forever, or that we will not get hurt.
And THAT is one of the greatest lessons and gifts I continue to receive from the break-ups and heart-break I have experienced throughout my life, as well as in my current relationship.
You know why?
Because EVERY SINGLE HEART-BREAK I have ever had, was perfect and magical. They sucked at the time, but they were also the fuel for my seeking and therefore the reason I truly discovered who I am and what I am meant to be doing in the world, and how I deserve to be treated!
How does it get any better than that?
IF I am willing, my relationship challenges me to let go, to let God, to allow the process to unfold, to TRUST in the Universe first, and then to trust in him and in myself. Every day is a brand new day and another opportunity to experience the magic that shows up when we choose love, choose to see the best in him or her, choose to see the best in ourselves, and choose to stay present with what IS in each moment.
Here are 3 WAYS To Let Our Relationships Transform Who We Are Being:
1) When you start feeling bad, unfulfilled, doubtful, and afraid, ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now and where is it showing up in my body?”
Go to that place, maybe in your stomach, maybe your heart, or your throat. Take a few breaths there and REALLY feel the sensation fully. Get present to WHAT IS. What are you resisting? This feeling is only coming up so it can be healed and released, not so it can take you and your relationship down.
So if you knew that you were in fact HEALING, instead of there being something terribly wrong in that moment, how might that shift or change the way you see things or show up for yourself and in your relationship?
2) When you are BLAMING, see this as a red flag for YOU. Acknowledge that there is something you are resisting, something your are not wanting to see or feel about yourself, and something you have not been ready to heal until now.
It does not mean there is something “wrong” with you. It means there is some old program or pattern you have carried around that you do not need anymore, that is causing you unnecessary pain, and because it’s holding you back, you are ready to see it and let it go.
3) If the solution isn’t clear, be mindful about making fast decisions. It is easy to “bail” when things get hard, and to collect enough evidence as to why leaving was necessary (and sometimes it truly IS necessary). But challenge yourself on this. Is giving up or running, a pattern for you?
What if WHAT’S IN THE WAY IS THE WAY? Are you looking through the lens of your fear and your past? OR through the lens of unconditional love, possibility, and creativity? Be willing to get SUPER DUPER honest with yourself about the ways you show up that hurt yourself and others. Give yourself love, compassion, and the gift of doing it differently this time so you can finally heal all the way, and begin to create and experience something better time.
Well that’s a wrap for today! Now I want to hear from YOU 🙂
What is the single biggest insight you are taking away from today’s post and how do you plan on turning that light bulb moment into an action that serves your personal healing and relationships?
Be sure to leave a comment below and let us know! Your comments and contributions could very well be the words that uplift and support someone else! Sharing is caring!
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Thank you so much for your presence, your light, and for being my spiritual traveling buddy! Much Love!
Are you feeling called to create even healthier, happier intimacy? Or maybe you are ready to let go of heart-break and insecurity once and for all so you are free to move on and embrace your new-found confidence and creativity? If you are committed to personal growth, and you have a deep desire to step out in the world, to express yourself authentically and wholeheartedly, to be seen and heard and acknowledged for your Soul gifts, and you would LOVE some help with that, then let’s talk. You just might be ready to work with your very own Coach. If this resonates for you in your heart, if your body says HELL YES, then I would love to hear from you. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will schedule time to talk. Namaste.